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2012-11-10 - Dear God...
It's a nice day in the park, and for a change Karen has a little free time to relax and enjoy the small things. While in the park, a little pink ball with polka dots rolls up to her feet. A few feet away is a little girl, just looking at it with trepidation, or maybe she's looking at you. Karen Starr looks up from her Kindle as she feels the ball tap her foot. Glancing down at the pink ball, she grins and raises her eyes, spotting the little girl standing there nervously. Setting aside the electronic reader, she reaches down and picks the ball up, "My my. What a pretty ball. I wonder who this belongs to?" Raising a blonde eyebrow, she looks at the little girl again, "Any idea?" The little girl just stands there and looks over at you, and then at the ball. Then frowns a little bit, turns, and runs away. From the other side, you hear a boy's voice say, "Don't feel slighted or something - she just doesn't trust you. I mean, you're a stranger, and nowadays, kids have it drilled into them not to trust strangers. You never know if they are hiding something after all." The boy talking is pretty much on the nerdy side. He's short, wearing a bowler hat, round glasses, a sweater vest.... and to top it off, a bow tie. Looks about 13 years old and seems pretty friendly-looking. Oh and he's carrying a baseball bat over his shoulder. He waves a bit at you. "Hi there." Karen Starr frowns as the girl runs off, "Hey.. Wa-ACK!" She whirls in the bench, nearly falling out of her seat as the ball goes flying. She turns blue eyes upon the boy, "Holy crap, kid! Where'd you come from? I didn't hear you." For some reason the fact she didn't hear him slips her notice as she looks off the way the girl ran, "Do I look like a freakin' child molester? C'mon now.. That's just... " Rolls her eyes, sighing disgustedly, "There's caution and then there is paranoia." The boy shrugs and shakes her head. "Oh no, of course not. But it's just a sign of the times. I mean you never know who someone really is after all. Lots of people have identities that are secret. I wasn't saying that you're a molester just because you're a stranger to her. There are all types of strangers. There's people who have one way they appear in public, and another they appear in private. Sometimes a person can feel like they're a stranger to everyone else in the entire universe." He peers over to see what you're reading on your e-Reader. "Good book." he comments. Karen Starr peers at the boy, "Yeah. I've heard it was pretty good..." Lips pursing she leans back in the bench, sighing, "You know, kid. Truer words have never been spoken. The irony of what you just said would be enough to rebuild the Titanic. Maybe even two of them." She takes the reader and turns it off, no longer in the mood to read, a little humor touches her eyes, "You know, wearing a bow-tie is a good way to have the other kids make fun of you, might even beat you up." The boy smiles. "Yeah. But I'd just turn the other cheek on that. Besides.... " He straightens the boy tie a bit. "I like what a bow tie says to the world. It's a sign of being an individual - that you don't MIND what other people think of you if you're comfortable with yourself." He sits down next to you on the bench, leting the bat rest against the bench slats. Hands nicely placed on his lap. "I'm guessing you probably can understand that right? Dressing up in a certain way and not really caring what other people read into it because it makes a statement about yourself that you're comfortable with yourself?" Okay, the kid does seem nice and utterly non-threatening, but he's also a bit weird... Karen Starr tilts her head, "Kid. You've no idea. I've a couple of outfits that I never hear the end of." She waves manicured fingers at her chest, grinning, "I was born with gifts. I'm proud of them. Like to show them off. Plus it's useful against the weak minded and it's just completely fun to see how people react." Studying the teenager curiously, "You know. You seem awfully familiar... Hrm. Does one of your parents work for me at Starrware?" The boy nods and says, "Probably have a little bit of an idea. And... well we have met before but you probably wouldnt remember me. I've been watching you for a while though - I'm not a stalker or anything, just a real fan actually! You do good works." He then nods. "Oh... and no, my grandparents actually - I live with my grandparents, you see - and they probably wouldnt know what to do with a computer if they even had one. They're very old school in that respect. Grandma is a seamstress and grandpa is a retired ship builder. So... feel like talking about anything on your mind? Any questions you have?" Karen Starr raises an eyebrow at the boy, a genuinely confused look settling on her features, "A fan? Uh. Thanks? You mean the work with my company?" Something is nagging her, something in the back of her mind, its just right there, but she can't mentally grasp it yet, "Questions? Kid, I've got a ton of questions. But I don't think you could answer them. Nobody can... We've met? Where did we meet?" The boy shakes his head. "No, no, I mean your other job. Not that your work at Starrware isnt very innovative. I like how you try to save the world in two different areas. It's extremely admirable. I think you were a great choice. I think 'meet' is probably too specific a word. I've met you. You havent really met me, at least not directly. But we've definitely had an effect on one another." Feels like this is an episode of the Twilight Zone the way the kid is talking about stuff so nebulously. "Well, try me? I'm a really good listener. Lots of people tell me stuff just so they can feel better. Lots of other people tell me stuff just to vent. I mean... what's the worst that can happen - I won't have a good answer? Besides, you really do look like the type of person who has a lot to get off your chest, no pun intended." Karen Starr narrows her gaze at the boy. First he was able to sneak up on her, then he says he met her, yet she has no memory of this, and finally he is hinting at her 'other' job. Warning bells clang violently in alarm as these peices come together, "I don't know what're you talking about kid. I don't have any other job. Being the CEO of a company is enough." Even the fact she seems to relax around this person is setting off alarms now, that he's trying to get her to talk. Maybe he's an illusion of some sort? With that thought in mind she focuses her gaze on him, activating her X-ray vision to look the boy through and through. As she does this she continues to talk, if anything, just to keep him busy, "I can't tell you the kind of stuff I've on my shoulders. That sort of thing is trade secrets and could put you in danger." The boy puts his bowler hat on his lap. "Okay well I guess you could call the hero thing a hobby or a calling, not a job per se. But it certainly looks like work to me, whether you get paid for it or not. But I'm not really one to put labels on people. People put enough labels on themselves." Nope, x-ray vision looking through him just reveals that he looks like a normal human boy. He asks, "We could talk about stuff in a more esoteric, philosophical way if you want instead." He looks behind himself a bit, then back at her. "You know I don't come up and talk to just anyone - you're just a special case, you're actually only the third person 'recently' that I've talked to like this." Karen Starr frowns deeply, "Hero? ... " She seems completely out of her depth now as her jaw work soundlessly for a moment. But the moment passes as Karen does what she has always done when faced with unpleasant surprises. She gets angry. Leaning in towards the boy, blue eyes narrowed dangerously, "Kid. I'm not playing games with you. Who are you, really? How do you know something like that? Answer me." The boy nods a bit and offers his hand to shake yours. "You're right of course, all this mysterious stuff. I guess I work in really mysterious ways. I'm Yahweh. Sometimes people call me Wally though. Can I call you Karen? Or do you prefer Kara? No need to get angry ot anything - I mean you wanted to talk to me, I figured this would be a relief that I'm actually talking back." He says a bit consolingly, "Most people just do a prayer instead of talk to mystics about getting my direct line, so to speak. But like I said, special case." Karen Starr just stares at the boy. Yet she automatically takes the boy's hand, giving it a gentle shake, "Uh." Is all she can really say right now. Her mind is whirling, in an instant her memory runs over the conversation she had with Dr. Strange. She slowly blinks her eyes, not even noticing that she hasn't let go of the boy's hand, "Look... I'd like to believe that the Supreme Being has shown up to talk to me. I.. Uh." She licks her lips nervously, "Can you prove that? I'd be pretty stupid if I just took your word for it. You could be a psychic or something." Wally tilts her head. "I need to give credentials? Wow..." He pats his lap a bit. "Well... not really sure how I could say anything that would be proof in a world where there are reality warping mutants, sorcerer supremes, aliens from distant galaxies with the powers beyond the ken of man..." He puts his hat back on. "How about this - assuming I'm just a psychic, what's the harm to ask me questions? It's not like you'd be giving away any information I wouldnt be able to 'read with spooky mind powers'" he says, wiggling his fingers in an exxagerated fashion. "Would you like me to just put the question you're wanting to ask me right out there without you even asking it? Now -that- would be spooky. Plus ultimately self-defeating. An answer means more when you get to actually ask the question." Karen Starr tilts her head, thinking on what he says, "That's true. Even if you were psychic, you wouldn't be able to answer the questions I have... Guess I expected a big guy on a big throne or something." She manages to smile, "Figures the Supreme Being would show up as a kid in a bow-tie. Did you do that just to throw me completely off my game?" Wally shrugs. "Maybe I just figured you wouldnt punch a kid with glasses if you didnt like the answers at first." He then smiles again. "Besides, you thought a kid wearing a bow tie was out of place. Big throne with a thousand foot fall man with a grey flowing beard in the middle of the park? Yeah. Bit excessive." He puts his finger and thumb together. "Maybe a LITTLE to throw you off your game... not entirely intentional though. So... you got questions. Lay them on me?" Karen Starr continues to hold onto the boy's hand, as though afraid if she let go he'd disappear and this was all a dream or some cruel joke. She stares at the boy that claims to be God, preparing herself for the question. Yet when she speaks, a different question comes out, the real question that lays upon her heart, "All the people in the universe I was born into... Do they really not exist anymore or did you take them to an afterlife or something?" Wally looks at you quizzically. "Why would you feel they didnt exist anymore? I mean... they don't exist anymore, but I you're asking more than that arent you? You're asking if they never did exist as of now? Right?" He peers at you. "Think about the source of your question - who exactly told you that they never existed. You remember them, right? By the way, you're welcome for that." Karen Starr shakes her head, "No! You know what I'm asking! I know they existed. How the hell else do I remember them? I mean their souls. Where are their souls? Isn't there some sort of afterlife for them? Someplace where they can all be happy? When I think of not existing, I'm thinking oblivion. No more thought, no feeling, nothing. Is the soul of my cousin and his wife out there? Or are they just... gone?" Wally pats your head. "There's really no such thing as oblivion. Oblivion's the absence of everything. And there's no way that something can become nothing. It just isnt the same thing it was before, and there are different levels of how something can change. Including souls. But they arent turned into oblivion. Does that give you any sort of hope?" Wally continues, "You see, oblivion can't be obtained or created. That's a contradiction. You also can't destroy something to create oblivion. Reality cannot ever bring forth oblivion. It just creates a destroyed reality. In fact, you can't even imagine oblivion. It would mean you created an imagined representation -of- oblivion. Oblivion is nothing. So... there's always been something. So there can't be oblivion. A memory means there is no oblivion. A memory means that the soul did not become oblivion" He then repeats, "You're welcome." Karen Starr bows her head, overwhelmed with the emotions rolling over her like tidal waves. She didn't completely understand what Wally was saying, but she understood enough to know that they weren't gone, not like she had feared, tears slide down her cheeks freely. Without really thinking what she is doing she pulls the boy close and hugs him fiercely, though not enough to have actually hurt him had he been an actual boy. Words are whispered between sobs, just barely heard, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." Wally gets pulled forward and gets hugged. "Mrgghle fgrghgle?" he says into Karen's bosom where he's being hugged. He reaches into his pocket to take out a handkerchief and offers it to Karen while still being hugged. Karen Starr takes the handkerchief, letting go of Wally in the process. She wipes her eyes, trying to get control of herself, but it is very difficult, "I... Can I talk to my Kal-L? Can I see him? Please? I never got to say goodbye, to thank him.." Begins to sniff, almost breaking down into another crying jag. Wally looks at you with a consoling look. "I'm sorry... you can't. It doesn't work like that. The soul doesn't become oblivion, but that reality -is- destroyed. And I'm sorry that you can't get to thank him. They're not... around anymore to thank. They live on through your good works, but not in a tangible way. The soul is not a tangible thing... at least not in the way you're thinking. It's... how can I explain the nature of souls. It's both transitory and eternal. At the same time. As long as there's memories, or works done in the memory of those souls, then the soul exists. And that always happens as long as there's life. But you're already thanking him by what you do every day." Karen Starr sighs softly, it was a longshot, but it still hurt. She closes her eyes, gathering emotional and mental strength. It was time for the second big question. Opening her eyes, she looks at Wally intently, "Why was I spared my universe's destruction? Why do I remember all of it? Why me and not someone more powerful? What made me so special?" "The fact that you existed ensured that the souls of everyone you knew. And everyone they knew. And everyone that they knew knew, and so on... continued to exist. They're no longer in a place you can go to, except in your memories. It's just the nature of reality. It's powered by belief. Belief and memory. That's the nature of heaven, it's the nature of life and death. It's just how things are. I know there are esoteric beings. They'll say 'well here are the dead in this layer of reality.' That's one form t hat a soul might take form as. Shadows of what they were. Ghosts. Another. Memories. Still another. It's all souls. It's all transitory, yet eternal. And it's just as likely to change from one thing to another depending on the actions of life in all realities." Wally adjusts his glasses, pushing them up a bit with his finger to the bridge of his nose. "And why did you survive? Free will mostly. And because oblivion is impossible. Or at the very least, if it was possible, nothing would matter anyway, and we wouldnt be having this conversation. As for why you in particular? Again - free will. You made the choices to be in a certain place at a certain time doing a certain action or set of actions which allowed you to be here." Karen Starr frowns, listening intently. She scratches at her head, frustrated by the answer because it was not even close to what she expected, "So. I'm here because I got lucky? And if the only thing that is keeping everyone from my universe existing is me.. What happens if I die? Will they go away too? You said that there is no such thing as oblivion. So if and when I die... Oh dear, I think I just went cross-eyed." Putting her face in the palm of a hand, she lets out a loud, long-suffering sigh. Wally shrugs a little. "I guess you can call it lucky. In the same way that girl..." He points at a girl yelling at her brother to give back a frisbee. "... is lucky that her parents met each other on a certain day, which sparked a series of events which led let to her being born. And no... memories are transferrable. Souls change, while still keeping that spark in a different way. You remember others. Their souls live on. But you didnt meet and remember every single person in your universe. And yet from their souls all can live on through memories because you survived. When you die, that spark will continue. Just in a different way again. Everyone ... everywhere... is connected. You should know that more than most." He adds, "Hypothetically speaking that is. No one knows all there is to know about everything." Wait... isnt God supposed to be omniscient? Karen Starr frowns at Wally, "Hypothetically speaking? Don't you know? Didn't you create all of this stuff?" She waves a hand, indicating the girl yelling for the frisbee, "Didn't you make her? Don't you know what she's going to do? Didn't you make me?" "Is it luck or destiny? Was I destinied to be the sole survivor? From what you're saying, I'm carrying a universe within myself." Wally sighs. "You have to understand... the nature of omniscience. It means God knows all there is to know... RIGHT NOW. But not all that there is to know." He smiles. "That's why God put life in reality. To learn about stuff. So he could be the best God possible by knowing as much as there was to know. Then give that knowledge back - like I'm trying to give it back. To you." "Destiny... that works on only a small scale. On a large scale it doesn't. Free will - that's what the universe revolves around. People making choices. You want a universe that relies on destiny? Then remove free will from the equation. Not just suspend it for a little while - remove it. But then life isnt worth being, and it defeats the purpose for its creation. And no, you're not carrying a universe within yourself. You brought the spark of a universe with you." Karen Starr pulls her feet up into the bench, wrapping arms around her knees as she hugs them to her chest, "Okay. That makes sense, God likes to learn too. Even though he made EVERYTHING, it still teaches him. Heavy." She sighs softly, "I get that part, even the part where I carry the spark of a universe. So. You intended for SOMEONE to survive my universe, but it was up to one of us to be at the right place and time for it to be so?" Wally elaborates. "Think of it like this.... take the Garden of Eden for instance. God puts the tree of knowledge in the garden. Then says to Adam and Eve, 'Don't eat from it!' but do I take any other action? No. Do you really think GOD couldnt have prevented them from eating from the tree? Put up an impassable chasm. Heck. Put up some barbed wire or a fence! Anything! No. Just said 'Don't.' Then they made a choice. It wasnt 'destiny' that they would eat from the tree. It was not luck - I put the apple right there. They werent lucky I did. It was just a choice to do an action or not do an action, which resulted in all sorts of other things happening as a result." He brushes an invisible speck from his sweater vest. "So yeah, I intended someone to survive your universe. Put the apple right there for someone to take. Whether it was Adam or Eve. Or Kara. That's a matter of decisions. Not just luck. Luck alone is meaningless without decisions. If a person's lucky enough to always get double zero on a roulette table, it won't help him or her one lick if they don't actually bet at the table. Choices. That matters. Your choices mattered, because you wound up surviving." Karen Starr frowns, she closes her eyes, "Give me a minute to think, uh, Wally. Let me see if I can figure out the exact moment I took the proverbial apple.." Karen sits quietly, hugging her knees, chin resting on top of them as she rushes along the neurons of her brain, reliving the whole multiversal war again, trying desperately to pinpoint that precise time. Wally peers, "Perhaps I'm simplifying a bit too much on the analogy. There isnt one specific point. There were several. Each choice you made. Eve listening to the serpent instead of ignoring him. Eve taking the apple. Eve eating the apple. Eve choosing to give Adam the apple. There's not one specific instance. It's a collection of instances. A collection of choices." He pats his lap again. "Are you trying to figure if there was a specific instance where you instead of another would have survived?" Karen Starr nods her head, "Yeah.. I remember the fighting. All of the multiverse as we knew it was coming undone, time itself was falling apart. In order for anything to survive it was surmised that the remaining realities would need to merge together. That's what was done. Then they traveled to the dawn of time to face the Anti-Monitor. The Spectre, whom claims to work for you, by the way, managed to defeat him.... I don't see it. I don't see what I did that caused me to survive." He shrugs. "It's sometimes hard for the actors to understand a play's mechanics. Especially when it's largely improv. But the director still has a general idea of where to have characters placed on stage." "In short, don't try to figure it out - a person can go crazy with the 'what if's.' What if I did this instead of that? You didn't. Because if you did, maybe someone else would be asking me the questions you're asking. Or maybe that person wouldnt care to ask. Or maybe no one would have in which case there wouldn't be any questions in the first place." Wally gets up from the bench and takes his bat and puts it over his shoulder again. "I don't want you having more questions than answers, but that's usually the nature of asking questions. You'll usually get more questions than answers. If it happens for me, it's gonna happen for anyone. But I'd like to still give you one answer to a question you didnt actually ask." He leans forward, "Your family IS proud of you and what you do, and the reason is because you know they would be. Even if you don't realize that you should know that yet." He reaches over to take the ball and whistles at the little girl off in the distance, then throws her the ball. Kid's got a good arm. Karen Starr watches the ball for a moment, a soft, satisfied smile lighting up her face. She turns her eyes back to Wally, "Last question... What's the deal with the baseball bat?" Amazingly, when you turn around, Wally's still there. He didnt do some sort of mysterious vanishing act when you turned away. He just shrugs to your question. "I like baseball." He tips his hat. "Take care of yourself okay?" then turns and walks away. Karen Starr watches Wally walk away, "... Huh. I probably should have asked him the meaning of life while I was at it..."